Liberal Party adopts ‘Get John Howard out in case of emergency’ procedures

Running out of options and unsure of what else to do in the face of an onslaught of independent candidates, Liberal Party MPs smashed the glass and removed little John Howard that hangs on a wall at the Liberal Party in Sydney.

“Emergency! Emergency!” shouted Deputy Chief Josh Frydenberg, careful not to catch Howard’s eyebrows in the glass as he pulled the little guy out of the box.

Frantically reading the instructions as he held Howard in his hand, Frydenberg used a small key to liquidate the former Prime Minister, directed him to the campaign trail and watched him come to life and immediately flee to a media event to say something sexist.

“It’s amazing how quickly he’s ready to go. Move it, let it spread bullshit all over the place and it immediately takes everyone back to the 1950s.”

A party spokesman said emergency procedures were used sparingly. “It’s something we definitely only use as a last resort once every federal election and every state election and three to four times a year when we can’t think of anything else to do” .

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